It’s control*

Sometimes we use seemingly benevolent and altruistic behaviors for leverage, manipulation and ultimately, control; turning them into character defects. None of the items on this list are native defects but we can weaponize them when we think we know better than someone else what they should do. We become the “mayor of their lives” (my wife turned me on to that one). We think that if only our loved ones thought like we do, had better reasoning skills, listened to our advice and followed our directions. that their lives would be better and they would make our lives easier.

The illusion of control is like a black hole. The list below shows some common ways we twist otherwise benign or positive intentions into efforts to control or fix others.

Most people are capable of learning from their mistakes, but we want to “save them the trouble.” denying them the decision-making, consequences and experience essential to growth.

Explain - control your understanding of something

Finish (Let me finish) - control how this ends

Make a point - control what stands out

Respond - control the last word

Set a boundary - control who has control

Deserve (I deserve _______) - control the quality and quantity of your contribution

Remind- control who remembers

Expect - control perceptions and evaluations

Help - control who is competent

Guide - control your direction

Look out for - control your awareness, field of vision

Protect - control your safety and security

Support - control your strength and stamina

*when applied as a character defect

Do any of these sound familiar? Comment below if any of this landed.

Drop a butterfly 🦋 or a phoenix 🐦‍🔥 if this is something you’re already working on. 💙

#WAIT #AlAnon #Recovery #Pause #Wisdom #Boundaries